


would you still love me

by mmononokes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Discussion of past character death, Established Relationship, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 09:42:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12129726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmononokes/pseuds/mmononokes
Summary: "Do you know what day is today?" Castiel asks."Uh, Tuesday?""It's September 18th," he says."Oh?"





	would you still love me

**Author's Note:**

> happy deancas & cas day yall!!!!
> 
> the cabin in the fic isn't the same from 12.23 but it was inspired by it a lot. i just loved that place so much but uh i guess some traumatic stuff happened there for both dean and cas.
> 
> title taken from the poem "questions i am too broken to ask you" by nikita gill.

_September 18th, 2018._

 

 

It's a chilly September morning and Castiel is sitting on the stairs in the front porch of their cabin. He thinks maybe he should've stayed in bed and waited until Dean woke up, but he was feeling restless and looking at the mountains and the lake always helps with that. It's still early so he can hear the birds singing nearby and he closes his eyes to appreciate it until he hears the door open and close behind him.

He doesn't turn around because he knows who it is and after a beat, Dean sits down behind him, with one leg on each side of his body and his arms around his chest. 

He feels Dean kissing the skin behind his ear and when he speaks his voice is hoarse from sleep. "Can I ask what you're doing up before 11 am?"

"Do you know what day is today?" Castiel asks.

"Uh, Tuesday?" 

"It's September 18th," he says.

"Oh?"

"Ten years ago I uh, raised you from perdition," Castiel replies. "Is that how I put it back then?"

"You know damn well everything you said to me when we met, and I bet that includes what I couldn't understand."

He winces. "I was hoping that after everything we'd been through you'd be able to hear my true voice."

Dean chuckles. "You really went all the way back then, buddy. Using your _true voice_ , pulling out your wings 5 minutes after coming into that barn." 

He blushes. "I was trying to make and impression. You were the Righteous Man after all, and I knew you didn't believe in angels," he says. Castiel remembers very well how he used to act around Dean right after they met, like a peacock showing off its feathers. "Dean, I had never held a soul like yours within me like I did when I got you out of the Pit. You were so bright and stunning, it was... overwhelming." He licks his lips. "I once told you we share a profound bond and I wasn't exaggerating, my grace and your soul formed a deep connection that day. Do you remember the trees around your grave? When I put your soul back into your body I had to use such force because you— _we_ wouldn't let go."

Dean doesn't say anything. It's the first time they've sat down and talked about that day. Castiel never mentioned anything because by the time he understood what he was feeling — that he was falling in love with Dean from the moment he saw him — he also knew what a complicated subject that would be.

"It scared me, the things you made me feel. They still do sometimes."

They don't say anything for a while. Castiel goes back to looking at the water.

"Do you remember last year when you... weren't here? I mean, of course you do." He can feel Dean shifting behind him and his arms tighten around him. "Losing you and mom at the same time was maybe one of the worst things that have ever happened to me and I— Fuck, I was so scared, Cas. I was scared of never getting you both back, but I was also scared of getting you back and losing you again. I was scared of seeing you and not being able to tell you how I felt." 

Castiel puts his hand over Dean's and tangles their fingers together.

"So yeah, Cas, if there's someone who understands being scared it's me. I thought—" He pauses and takes a deep breath. "When I woke up today and you weren't in our bed, part of me thought something'd happened and you'd left." He huffs a laugh. "And I know how worried you can get about me during hunts, don't try to deny it."

"You insist on being reckless every time, Dean, how am I supposed to f—"

"Hey," Dean cuts him and pulls his arm so he turns around to face him. "I'm not mad about that. I mean, sometimes I get upset because you can become a mother hen when you want to," Castiel rolls his eyes, " _but_  I understand, and I know you understand me when I ask you to call me every day whenever you have to go out there do your own stuff, right?"

"Of course," he says.

"I'm just sorry it took us so long to be here, you know? We could've had this for years now."

Castiel takes Dean's hand and brings it to his lips so he can kiss his palm and hold it against his cheek. "I wish I had done so many things differently, Dean, but I don't think focusing on the past is gonna help us. We should learn from our mistakes but..." He pauses and looks at Dean's face — his eyes, freckles, his mouth. "I'm just glad we're here now."

Dean's looking at him with wide eyes, his mouth slightly parted. He licks his lips and Castiel follows the movement with his eyes. The hand that's still on his cheek pulls his face closer and then Dean's kissing him, an urgent press of lips. He moves his hand to Dean's chest and grips his t-shirt so he won't move away.

When they finally part Dean says, "I love you, Cas."

"I know." He grins.

Dean rolls his eyes but pulls him in for another kiss. "You know, I was actually planning on eating breakfast in bed with you today, but you had to ruin that surprise, didn't you?"

"Oh, so you did know what day it is."

"Of course I did, Cas." Dean says, quietly.

He feels bad for coming outside now, especially because Dean's still only wearing the t-shirt and boxers he slept in and it's getting too cold for that. "Well, we can still get breakfast ready and go back to bed." 

"I like the way you think," Dean says and smirks. "Actually there's more I want to do in bed besides breakfast."

Castiel hums. "Is that so? And what exactly do you want to do? I think you'll have to enlighten me."

Dean throws his head back and laughs. He plants a kiss on his forehead before he gets up and offers his hand to help Castiel get up. "I'm gonna start making the pancakes and you can make the coffee." He entwines their fingers and, together, they get inside. 


End file.
